Blurred Boundaries

Mother’s Day has come and gone. Many asked me why we should celebrate this Day when we have always revered our mothers in various forms or any such Days of western origin for that matter. I asked them why we should celebrate festivals of Gods when they are being worshipped everyday.
When I asked my mom if Mother’s Day is necessary, she replied, “If mothers are necessary, Mother’s Day too is.” I asked many women the same question. Their replies were unanimous and synonymous with my mother’s. Those simple women, with no education, no sophistication, have so much wisdom, intelligence and the capacity to think clearly on any issue. But I am pleasantly surprised to see the abundance of common sense in the most illiterate of women. We always take our mothers for granted as we know they will always be there with us, as a shadow, a little-seen presence protecting us, taking care of every minute detail.
My mother once told me of an incident that happened when she was in high school. Her classmate, a girl, always wet herself and her mother came to the school to clean her up. She even dirtied herself. When her mother was told of this, she came running to the school, apologised to everyone on her daughter’s behalf and cleaned up without even scolding her daughter. She cradled her crying daughter, consoled her and took her home. She repeated this with patience and love every time her daughter repeated this. Not once was she humiliated or ashamed. The patience of such women who had neither much knowledge of the outer world, nor any education is rarely seen now.
Earlier, a man, because of his nature and physiology, had several avenues to prove his virility and strength. For a woman, it was limited to her ability to demonstrate her motherhood. With the society too expecting the same from her, motherhood naturally became an important aspect of her life. I read some-where that there is only one pretty child in this world and every mother has one. A woman, in a mansion or a slum always thinks highly of her child. Women and their opinions have undergone several changes as time has passed. Yet, motherhood and its happiness remains the same.
In Rig Veda, motherhood is referred with respect to earth and Goddesses. It is ironical that our ancient scriptures including those of Greeks and Romans fail to highlight the importance of a real mother, focusing more on Goddesses. Till the 1950s and 60s, women, irrespective of the countries they lived in, believed that children are God’s gift and that abortions or using contraceptives are sins against the word of God. The realisation that begetting more children increases poverty, thus causing a scarcity of basic necessities, sank slowly. This led to a revolution in the usage of birth control in the recent years. Mothers had stayed home for centuries; tending to their large family, their cattle and the agricultural fields. Now they have come out and have started remaining out for the most part of their lives. They are enjoying the respite from the kitchen, gardens and the suffocating fences. They are even enjoying a respite from giving birth. Surrogate motherhood is now a common trend. Women from other developed countries are entering India with the hope of adopting children or getting children through surrogacy. Women in India are readily renting out their wombs for the sake of money to foreigners. Surrogacy will, however, turn dangerous if followed due to a dislike in pregnancy and its affects on beauty other than just physical problems.
The tendency of women in leaning away from their family and towards their professional lives has decreased the population of Japan and Australia at an alarming rate. Their governments are trying to coax people into changing their minds to beget more children. India and China are in sharp contrast. But our country may one day join Japan if people continue to be more economy-oriented and less family-oriented. Fortunately, if women have changed, it is in their choice of begetting a child, not in being a mother. Of course, being a mother and bringing up a child was easier earlier due to large joint families. It is now considered by working women a hurdle in their already difficult life. Interestingly, the women from middle and lower strata of life are still the same; being a mother, loving it every minute of their life; bragging to whoever cares to hear about their children and their little achievements.
Animals can also be so surprising with the protective-ness they show towards their offspring. I remember reading about hilarious incidents of jungle fowls and rabbits behaving in the most irregular manners, running around, dancing in front of strangers, making strange noises to shoo the strange humans away thus succeed-ing in protecting their young ones.
Unfortunately, this protectiveness is not reciprocated by the children of either animals or humans. A week ago, I saw an old woman in rags in the Mysore city bus stand. She sat on the stone bench and took out her single worldly possession, a cloth bag. It was full of old, discoloured clothes. Digging further, she took out a plastic cover filled with rice and curry, kept it on the stone bench, mixed it and started eating it. It was evident seeing her that she had not eaten for some time. When she saw me observing her, she hid her food as if I would snatch it out of her hands. After her eating, I asked her if she had any children. She said her children had deserted her leaving her to fend for herself. I have seen parents being tossed around like balls among their children. Now, old age homes have become popular. Even some parents are volunteering to go to old age homes to lessen the so-called burden on their children. It may be because of the easy life they can have there without any worries.
Two days ago, an old woman came to my house from Srirangapatna. She wanted money for her eye operation. My parents asked her about her family. She said she was not married and had raised her sister from age three, got her married, and looked after her children, gave her all the money, land and love she had. But now that she is in no position to look after herself, her sister had thrown her out of the house. Now she had nothing. As far as I have understood motherhood (which is not much), a mother need not be and cannot always be a biological mother. It is saddening that not many people have understood this.
We are borrowing the whole lock, stock and barrel from the West. But the Western honey has been tossed out and the refuse has remained in India. The Westerners keep the love and respect for their parents alive even if they stay away from them. Once we Indians change our homes, we also change our views and attitudes, isolating our own from our lives. Our mothers (and fathers) have now remained reverent just in the early morning mantras.
The still budding generation has gone a step further. As I see on a daily basis, they do not resort to quarrel with their parents. They just neglect them.
A mother’s role too has changed now. She has to be there for the kids in their small joys and triumphs. But she is finding it increasingly hard. The present generation cannot imagine a mother who always stays at home, cooks and cleans after them. They are adjusted to the fact that their mothers will not be there to pick them when they fall, that they cannot go to their mom for every small bickering and fight with their friends. The youngsters have matured beyond their age; but their maturity has taken on a wrong and dangerous path. Only the lucky ones whose mothers are housewives get all the attention they need.
Unwed women adopting children is already a passé. Some such well-known women from the glamorous tinsel world are Sushmita Sen, Angelina Jolie, Madonna… It is now common to enjoy being a mother by having children outside wedlock and remaining unwed for as long as they like. Such experiments are also restricted to the celebrities who think of themselves as liberated from the rules of the society which binds the common people. The traditional India still reveres motherhood as sacred, divine and special.
It is a very popular saying that there can be bad fathers in the world but there can never be bad mothers. As there is an exception to everything, there are mothers who can abandon, if situation arises, kill their children just like a mother rabbit could abandon, ignore or even eat her young ones if she is frightened. We Indians are fond of eulogising many things and that includes the revered topic of mothers. No one can blame a mother and get away successfully. Even though, eulogising is not necessary, mothers deserve our respect and love more than anything else.
Showing love for our mother mechanically and fashionably with cards and gifts on a single day and neglect her on the remaining 364 days is the outcome of the ‘new generation Mother’s Day.’ We can make the lives of our mothers a little happier by small helps, a thank you and a smile and look after them when they can no longer look after themselves. – Shwetha