Pages

Subscribe:

Ads 468x60px

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Pen folio: We r like this only...

We spit on the road, we relieve ourselves in public, especially below the signboard saying the contrary, we haggle over prices with our daily vegetable vendor but spend thousands in a mega mall, we sit chatting in buses till our stop comes and then push and shove everyone to climb down, we go on the wrong side of the road and speed away as the Policeman comes running, we hoard and hoard till we have no place left in our own homes, we climb up the fence and jump to the other side instead of crossing the road at junctions, we share — a seat for three will have at least five, with kids too, we clean our houses and dump the garbage to an em-pty site when nobody is looking.
This is how we Indians live, and paradoxically, happily too. 
I travel in bus daily and see a variety of people. It is an excellent opportunity to study human behaviour under various conditions. Travelling in bus also gives me ample time to think over many things. Here are some of the habits unique to us Indians which came to my mind when I studied the people in city buses.
Hoarding
When I was in college, we had a lecturer for Chemistry. He was the first graduate to obtain PhD from our University. He came to the lab even in the dead of the night and experimented. His intelligence was superb, but he had one flaw; that of hoarding. He collected books and papers. It was not just collection, it was obsession. Books of all subjects filled his home to the ceiling. And they were not kept orderly; they were just piled. After some years, one couldn’t step inside his house without stepping over papers and books. He just couldn’t part with them.  Mothers are best at hoarding. They keep everything from milk cover to the butter paper inside a saree folding, saying that it will be needed in future; and they are, as usual, true.
No one in our country is exempt from the strange habit of hoarding. When we had a sharp increase in domestic prices in the late 1990s, farmers responded and we got a mountain of food — at one point, India alone hoarded food stocks of 65 million tons in 2000 and at great loss we exported all this.
The great saving scheme
When we buy TV, we buy the machine, the bubble wrappings, the cardboard box and the thermocol that props it up and use them all. We use clothes till they get threadbare, and even after, we use them for swabbing floors and wiping kitchen utensils. Our grandmothers save old cotton sarees and use them for bedcovering and for a new born baby to sleep on. I remember I used to remove bedspreads and use a cotton saree as it was very smooth and I felt like sleeping on my mother’s lap. We re-sole our shoes, water bottles are used till they break or get lost. Water bottles are especially useful in storing water, juice, petrol, oil, kerosene... anything that is in liquid form. We even convert paint tins and beer tins to flower pots. 
The greatest saving scheme of Indians starts with a girl child. Right from her birth, the parents start preparing for her marriage. From utensils, sarees to gold, silver and whatnot…
For God’s sake Adjust
‘Swalpa adjust maadkolli,’ is what we hear on buses, trains, in parks, temples and everywhere here. Three will adjust on a seat meant for two. This adjusting mania is very much evident in trains; people adjust on seats (nearly 8-10 on seats meant for four), between the seats, on the corridor and near the door without any leg space.
A person keeps one foot inside the bus, tells all those near him to adjust a little, and then keeps both feet in. 'Adjusting' is the solution to any problem; from the long queues in front of govt. offices to a daughter’s complain on her parents-in-law. 
Ironically, a girl even adjusts with a hand coming from behind, touching her body, caressing, intruding her privacy. Our peaceful Mysore’s roads, especially in the center of the city, is full of men who deliberately jostle, hit women rudely when they fail to touch them as they like and the women simply adjust and move on. 
It’s ok, we have another face
We don’t like to be called Indians. It’s insulting. We are proud to be called ‘foreign-returned.’ Everything ‘foreign’ is fascinating with us. We boast our son/dau-ghter is abroad, even if they don’t call us once a year. We are full of faces — one face for relatives, one for friends, one for collea-gues… the list goes on and on.
The most interesting nature of Indians is, we never lose our face. We are experts in fighting with our milkman, vegetable vendor and bus conductor for 50p but if the shop is classy, we just pay-up and come home; happily mulling over the quality (!) of the material we just bought. We have two conflicting faces for every little thing we deal with. At home, we talk of improving the country and outside, we give and receive 'something.' Etiquettes don’t bother us. But after all, why should they? Etiquettes are too artificial, we are natural. 
Matchmaking
Someone once said a horoscope is a better substitute for a birth certificate here. Our elders start matchmaking the minute they see a girl/boy above 20. I have an uncle. His first greeting to me when he sees me is not "How are you?" but "When is your marriage?" People are too curious to see who marries whom, how much money they spend on the wedding and the dowry received/given in a marriage. Unofficial matchmakers among relatives and friends wait for an opportunity to pounce upon the innocent youth unawares.
They just don’t leave it at that, they’ll persist till the boy/girl marries so that they can boast of the 'match that was possible because of them.' If the marriage succeeds, it’s because of 'their efforts' and if the marriage fails, 'they had always tried to dissuade everyone from that marriage.'
Verbal patriotism
Indians are unsurpassed in their verbal patriotism. They open their morning paper with a cup of hot coffee, read the paper and say 'there is no future for this country,' 'we have to line up these politicians and shoot them…' ad nauseam. Groups of men idling on a katte (harate-katte) can still be seen in villages. The harate-katte is unique to India. No stone remains unturned there.
Patriotism reaches a high while watching cricket or a movie and comes down as they forget it very easily and move on. Urbane youth are showing less interest in joining the army as there is very less money in the army. Those who join the army are youth from villages who are badly in need of money and do not have the necessary qualifications to work and survive in city.
Lingua pura
'Hate English in debates, but send our children to English medium only' is the rule followed by not only common people, but also by some 'intellectuals.' According to most Kannadigas, Kannada is for the poor and only good-for-nothings study in Kannada medium schools. But they don’t say so loudly for fear of being branded ‘unpatriotic’. A child is taught English from the day it starts speaking. A person I knew even beat her child for speaking in her language. Parents send their child to English medium schools even when they have less than three square meals a day. It seems, Indians contribute more to the language than English-speaking countries because, India is the third largest English book producing country in the world. English has a funny metamorphosis in India and we are proud of the various regional forms of it. Even old women who cannot speak their language properly, speak Kanglish (Kannada+English) with relish. I read that Railways have a popular opening line in their correspondence letters "Dear Sir, with reference to your above, see my below." India is the second largest English-speaking country in the world after United States with 90,000,000 people delighting in the language.
Singapore is posh, everyone thinks going there is prestigious. But I was surprised when I found out that except the highly educated and the rich, most of the common people, especially the Chinese I talked to didn’t even know basic English. Their only known language was Mandarin and they were content with that. Even being in a developed country, they said they just didn’t see the necessity of giving much importance to English for their overall development.
Take it easy
One attitude unique to us Indians is taking it easy. In our country, sab chalta hai. Offices are opened when they please, employees come and go as they please. In a government office, the officer is either out for coffee or for lunch. Works get done not in minutes or days, but in months. Buses, trains come and go whenever they want to, people work only when it is inevitable; or else they just loiter, taking life easy. May be this feature is what is necessary for a world suffering from the excesses of stress and work. 
When I had been to a temple in Singapore, a Chinese man came with a secretary to inspect the temple. He came and asked me why we put kumkum on the forehead, why we take theertha and prasad. After hearing my explanation, he went round the temple, inspected all facilities and left. Later, we came to know that he was the Minister in-charge of that area. Even President S. R. Nathan comes to the temple, prays and goes away without Z-level security and with just one person with him.
Our public servants are, after all, the mirror image of our own selves. They know for sure that we are not very much interested in the country's welfare and they too don’t much bother about it.
Majority 
We are too individualistic to be ruled. No one can rule us effectively. India is the only country in the world where anybody can do whatever he feels and get away with it. It’s a country ruled not by rules, but by the wishes of a majority. The decisions of the majority need not be right, but it’s legal since it’s approved by majority. People turn roads into spittoons, use walls and road sides as public lavatories, leave garbage on the street. J.K. Gal-braith, the Canadian American Economist, called it 'private affluence and public squalor.' 
The majority, the so-called middle class, are also the weakest and biggest link that is holding together the country’s two opposites — the piteously poor and the stinking rich. They are also the ones most worthy of studying with extremely paradoxical practices. They need ‘connections’ to get a job done, to borrow, and even to visit the deity in a temple directly giving triumphant glances to those withering in the ever-present serpentine queues. It is the ‘majority’ who decide the character of a girl seen talking to a boy at the corner of a street, whatever the topic. The only duty that the majority fail to carry out with unequivocal agreement is their duty towards the country, be it voting or voicing their opinion strongly against a corrupt decision.
A website of a foreign university which is offering India Semester courses to foreigners to enable them to understand Indian culture, has also given the students a few guidelines on the proper ways to behave in India— the visitors should always use right hand for eating, they should politely avert their eyes when they see a person urinating in public, they should not enter the kitchen at a home as entry to kitchen is restricted for people of same caste, etc. It advises the them to respect the customs and traditions of India. But they needn’t fear, because we have lost much of both.
These unique Indian habits, or shall I say, obsessions, cannot be altered. After all, we are like this only…  
— Shwetha

0 comments: